Friends and Consequences.

Good friends are hard to come by. I say it all the time, Jayden is the kind of friend anyone and everyone would want. She is kind and considerate. She puts her friends feelings above her own. She would go out of her way for a friend. She is loyal and trustworthy. I have been hopeful and praying that she too could find friends like that. Friends are hard to come by and sometimes a friend isn't all the things you hope them to be. Sometimes they are fun to be with or fun to hang out with. They may not be the best influence or most reliable, but you keep them as a friend because they are fun. I had those friends growing up. We made a lot of bad choices and did a lot of things we shouldn't have. In the end they were still my friends and today we still stay in touch. Jayden has girls that she hangs out with and calls friends. We have seen plans change many times and lots of letdowns. The most recent came over New Years. Jayden had made plans for about a week with 2 friends. The night before the friends caught word of a rode dance in Sioux City they wanted to attend. We told Jayden no and that it was too far, along with many many other reasons why that was not a good plan. Her friends thought differently and had told her not to ask, but to just go. Jayden told me I should appreciate that she is a good daughter, honest, and told us about it. And for that we are very fortunate. Because Jayden was unable to go, friend one decided she was going any way without Jayden, and friend two didn't put the effort into coming to stay after all. I suspect friend two found something more exciting as well. We as parents were feeling sad for Jayden and so disappointed. This is pretty typical of kids these days, self absorbed and "me" before you. They will be there and be a friend as long as there isn't something better that comes along. The worst part is the girls usually could care less.  As the day went on the weather got bad and farther north was even worse. Our family, except for Jayden was headed to Cedar Rapids for the night.  Friend one decided not to go to Sioux City after all because of weather and decided to hang out with Jayden after all. I was glad Jayden wouldn't be spending her night alone and sad. The morning of Jan2, Jayden came into my room and told me she needed to come clean and make a confession. She said she had been praying about what to do and felt she had to tell me. She jut couldn't stop the feeling of guilt. She told me what her and her friend did for New Years which broke all 3 of the rules we laid down for  the night of New Years. We talked for a long time and I listened. I thanked her for being honest and talking with me. I told her that I would need to think about it for awhile and that I was very disappointed. She asked me if I was going to tell dad. I said,"No." Then I said,"you are." She didn't like that and had to wait all day until late when he was home to talk with him. She had to think about it all day and worry about what dad would think and if she would still  get to go on her Oklahoma trip.

WE all make bad choices, we all do those things that we know are wrong and are probably going to regret. We do things because we are curious or they seem fun at the time. We have all been there, I have, most of my high school and college I did many things I shouldn't have and could have gotten caught or hurt. We are human, we make mistakes, but hopefully we can learn from them. It took me a long time to learn from mine and hopefully Jayden wont have to go through all that I did.

Later that night Jayden told Mark and he was kind of taken off guard as was I. He wasn't angry, I think like myself just disappointed. We all talked about it and what we thought and hoped she had learned from it. Mark and I both knew we had done plenty of similar at her age and much younger. We were most upset over breaking all the rules we had set for her. Jayden experienced what it is like to be pressured into something you don't want to do. I feel bad for her, she just wants to have friends, someone to experience life with, someone to laugh and have fun with, someone that has the same interests. She wants someone who  likes to do the same fun things together like get nails done, shop, buy latte's, go to movies, do each others hair and make-up. Her friends are like that, but they are not genuine, inside  they don't carry the kind of qualities you need in a friend. She told us herself many times that her friend isn't a good influence and she probably shouldn't be hanging out with her. At the same time if she doesn't, then she has nobody.  Is it better to have no friends? I am sad for her and I pray she makes new friends, good friends. I know they are out there and I hope she finds them soon.

After Mark and I discussed the matter and much thought, I came up with an idea for punishment or I like to say consequences for her actions. A while back I had a big supply of items needed to take to the Ronald McDonald House in Des Moines. I remember asking Jayden if she would like to go with the boys and I. She rolled her eyes and said no thank you. She also does not like to be in the car with both her brothers at the same time, they drive her crazy. So, I came up with the plan for her day. She would leave in the morning with both her brothers, drive to Des Moines to the RMH with the supplies, show them around the house and where her brick is. Next she would take them to lunch and drive back to Ames for her dermatology appointment in which both brothers would have to wait in the waiting room with her. Then she would take Luke to his guitar lesson at 3:30 and finally dad would meet her in town to take Luke on to taekwondo and she could head home. That was not her idea of a fun time and that was part of the idea.

Plus, going all over with the boys gave Jayden a little window into my world and what I typically go through with the boys and their activities. I dont think she enjoyed it much and maybe has a new appreciation for her mom.