Jan 30 My aunt Rose had her open heart surgery. From the facebook post it sounded like the surgery was a success and all was fine. The morning after I had sent a message and prayers to her husband Jon checking to see how she was doing. He called me and told me the details over the phone. It was devastating and I have been praying since. The heart valve replacement was in fact a success, however their were adhesion in Roses heart due to previous heart surgeries. Because of that she had some bleeding and would need to have things open until the bleeding was stopped, meaning her chest would not be completely closed until all had healed. During transportation to her room, her heart stopped in the elevator and she had to have CPR to get her heart going and was put back on the by pass machine. Jon explained all the details and told me he was with Rose and holding her hand. He said she had so many tubes and machines. He was strong and hopeful.
2/4 Sadly both Aunts conditions are worsening each day. Aunt Rose is coming up on 1 week post surgery and she continues to be under sedation. She has not been closed from her surgery due to complications. Two days ago her temp was up and had fluids around the heart and concerns rose. She was also put on a RVAD to help the right side of her heart. Her husband Jon has been good about giving me updates. I had been sending prayers and encouraging verses through text. I have been praying so much for both aunts this week.
I visited Alice yesterday, she is so thin and frail. She rests a lot and is now on morphine. She is responsive to you, smiles and nods her head when you talk to her, but didn't really try to talk. Jayden was with me and we sat with her. Jayden talked about things that are going on in college. I asked if she wanted to look at pictures and she nodded her head yes. I got out the album I made her and we looked through it for the second time. I recalled memories of each photo and shared them with her. As she recalled memories, she would smile to. When we left we both gave Alice a hug and held her hand. She held our hands longer. We just stood there and held her hand as she had a small smile and looked into our eyes. This really choked me up, each time I leave it gets a little harder. Each day is precious and I know the time is near. This was the hardest night leaving . Jayden put her arm around me as we left. I am glad she was there with me.
Both Aunts are such amazing women.
2/5/19 On Tuesday, Alice's friends headed back home. Rose was still not doing well. The latest update I received was that family was going to the hospital and her condition had worsened over night. This was very concerning and not the news you want to hear. Late in the day, I went to see Alice. Dad had been there all day. I asked if he wanted to go eat something while I waited. I got a text from Laura asking where my mom was and that she wanted to call her. I pretty much knew at that point. It was minutes later that mom called and told me Rose had passed away. Crushing news, she was supposed to recover from this, she was supposed to be fine, she was confident she would be fine, she was to live many more years with her new husband John, continuing to travel and live life to the fullest. She has been so active and energetic. She eats incredibly healthy and has a fit bit to keep herself walking and in great shape. We were all sure she would pull through the surgery. This was Rose! She had been through so much and was such a fighter. This was a shock to us all. It was in the back of my mind, but I never wanted to think that way. It was hard to accept. I sat there for an hour while Alice slept waiting for my Dad to return from eating. I had to break the news to Dad. We hugged, held each other and cried. So much loss, so much heartache. Thoughts filled my mind of Rose, her husband of less than 3 years, her kids John and Laura. This just could'nt be real.
Isiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Wednesday my head was in a fog, I just couldn't wrap my mind around what all was happening. I was going to lose two aunts that I loved so much. Losing one person so close is hard enough.
The weather was so bad schools were canceled and evening activities. Mark was still determined to go to his chiropractor appointment in Ames . I thought it was foolish and I really didn't want to be out on the roads. They were expecting rain turning to ice and it was getting worse as the day went on. I was still in shock over Rose and feeling lousy and sad. He talked me into going along and said we would stop to see Alice. Jake had been sick so he stayed at home. Luke went with us and Jayden met us in town. I was reluctant about the whole thing because of the roads, but I also knew my days with Alice were numbered. We ate out in town then stopped at the hospice home. Alice was alone in the room and in a heavy sleep. I had Luke wait in the waiting room because I didn't know what her condition would be. I was afraid she wasn't going to come out of her sleep. She was frail and breathing heavily. My parents wanted me to assure Alice that her horses and cats were being taken care of. The cats had been taken to the shelter today. It was as if Alice was holding on and they wanted her to be ok and feel she could let go. Maybe she needed the reassurance of her animals. Even though she was sleeping, I started talking to her and telling her about the pets. She made some sounds so it seemed she was listening and could hear me. I stepped out of the room and Jayden was talking to her. She started to slowly come out of her heavy sleep. At first she just looked at us and smiled at Jayden as she spoke. I could tell her throat was dry and she was trying to talk. I helped her moisten her mouth and she was able to talk a little. It took effort and she didn't say a lot. She kept saying "my stuff". I told her that everyone was taking care of her things and I told her about her pets. I prayed with her and I prayed specifically for her cats and for her horses. I could tell that was very helpful to her, she squeezed my hands extra when I prayed for them. They are her children and she worries about them. Nobody had probably prayed for her animals. We had Luke come in and see Alice too. She lit up when she saw Luke and really smiled. She reached out her hand to him. She hugged him and we all hugged her. She was sad that Jake was sick and worried about him. That is Alice for you, lying in hospice and she is more concerned about Jacob feeling ill and hoping he gets better soon. The last thing Alice told us all together was that she loves us and hopes we have a good life. We gave her hugs and told her we loved her and goodbye. I had a feeling that would be a final goodbye and it turned out to be. She was so thin and yet she held on so much longer than we all thought. She fought a battle with cancer for so long. We are so grateful for the extra 10 years we got with Alice after her first round. Saying goodbye is never easy. It was bitter sweet to leave. I was prepared that this would be the last time I would see Alice. My last visit, last prayer with her, last hug, last kiss on the forehead. It hurt and it was so sad. Yet, I was comforted, I knew I would see her again. I know that she loves the Lord and will be with him for eternity. I know that she will be in the arms of Jesus and free from cancer, free from pain, free from suffering soon. I wanted the suffering to be over for her as soon as possible. Bitter sweet, so bitter sweet. I love my aunt and miss her already. I was faced with the death of my aunt Rose yesterday and today I say goodbye to my aunt Alice.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength , an ever present help in times of trouble.
2/4 Sadly both Aunts conditions are worsening each day. Aunt Rose is coming up on 1 week post surgery and she continues to be under sedation. She has not been closed from her surgery due to complications. Two days ago her temp was up and had fluids around the heart and concerns rose. She was also put on a RVAD to help the right side of her heart. Her husband Jon has been good about giving me updates. I had been sending prayers and encouraging verses through text. I have been praying so much for both aunts this week.
I visited Alice yesterday, she is so thin and frail. She rests a lot and is now on morphine. She is responsive to you, smiles and nods her head when you talk to her, but didn't really try to talk. Jayden was with me and we sat with her. Jayden talked about things that are going on in college. I asked if she wanted to look at pictures and she nodded her head yes. I got out the album I made her and we looked through it for the second time. I recalled memories of each photo and shared them with her. As she recalled memories, she would smile to. When we left we both gave Alice a hug and held her hand. She held our hands longer. We just stood there and held her hand as she had a small smile and looked into our eyes. This really choked me up, each time I leave it gets a little harder. Each day is precious and I know the time is near. This was the hardest night leaving . Jayden put her arm around me as we left. I am glad she was there with me.
Both Aunts are such amazing women.
2/5/19 On Tuesday, Alice's friends headed back home. Rose was still not doing well. The latest update I received was that family was going to the hospital and her condition had worsened over night. This was very concerning and not the news you want to hear. Late in the day, I went to see Alice. Dad had been there all day. I asked if he wanted to go eat something while I waited. I got a text from Laura asking where my mom was and that she wanted to call her. I pretty much knew at that point. It was minutes later that mom called and told me Rose had passed away. Crushing news, she was supposed to recover from this, she was supposed to be fine, she was confident she would be fine, she was to live many more years with her new husband John, continuing to travel and live life to the fullest. She has been so active and energetic. She eats incredibly healthy and has a fit bit to keep herself walking and in great shape. We were all sure she would pull through the surgery. This was Rose! She had been through so much and was such a fighter. This was a shock to us all. It was in the back of my mind, but I never wanted to think that way. It was hard to accept. I sat there for an hour while Alice slept waiting for my Dad to return from eating. I had to break the news to Dad. We hugged, held each other and cried. So much loss, so much heartache. Thoughts filled my mind of Rose, her husband of less than 3 years, her kids John and Laura. This just could'nt be real.
Isiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Wednesday my head was in a fog, I just couldn't wrap my mind around what all was happening. I was going to lose two aunts that I loved so much. Losing one person so close is hard enough.
The weather was so bad schools were canceled and evening activities. Mark was still determined to go to his chiropractor appointment in Ames . I thought it was foolish and I really didn't want to be out on the roads. They were expecting rain turning to ice and it was getting worse as the day went on. I was still in shock over Rose and feeling lousy and sad. He talked me into going along and said we would stop to see Alice. Jake had been sick so he stayed at home. Luke went with us and Jayden met us in town. I was reluctant about the whole thing because of the roads, but I also knew my days with Alice were numbered. We ate out in town then stopped at the hospice home. Alice was alone in the room and in a heavy sleep. I had Luke wait in the waiting room because I didn't know what her condition would be. I was afraid she wasn't going to come out of her sleep. She was frail and breathing heavily. My parents wanted me to assure Alice that her horses and cats were being taken care of. The cats had been taken to the shelter today. It was as if Alice was holding on and they wanted her to be ok and feel she could let go. Maybe she needed the reassurance of her animals. Even though she was sleeping, I started talking to her and telling her about the pets. She made some sounds so it seemed she was listening and could hear me. I stepped out of the room and Jayden was talking to her. She started to slowly come out of her heavy sleep. At first she just looked at us and smiled at Jayden as she spoke. I could tell her throat was dry and she was trying to talk. I helped her moisten her mouth and she was able to talk a little. It took effort and she didn't say a lot. She kept saying "my stuff". I told her that everyone was taking care of her things and I told her about her pets. I prayed with her and I prayed specifically for her cats and for her horses. I could tell that was very helpful to her, she squeezed my hands extra when I prayed for them. They are her children and she worries about them. Nobody had probably prayed for her animals. We had Luke come in and see Alice too. She lit up when she saw Luke and really smiled. She reached out her hand to him. She hugged him and we all hugged her. She was sad that Jake was sick and worried about him. That is Alice for you, lying in hospice and she is more concerned about Jacob feeling ill and hoping he gets better soon. The last thing Alice told us all together was that she loves us and hopes we have a good life. We gave her hugs and told her we loved her and goodbye. I had a feeling that would be a final goodbye and it turned out to be. She was so thin and yet she held on so much longer than we all thought. She fought a battle with cancer for so long. We are so grateful for the extra 10 years we got with Alice after her first round. Saying goodbye is never easy. It was bitter sweet to leave. I was prepared that this would be the last time I would see Alice. My last visit, last prayer with her, last hug, last kiss on the forehead. It hurt and it was so sad. Yet, I was comforted, I knew I would see her again. I know that she loves the Lord and will be with him for eternity. I know that she will be in the arms of Jesus and free from cancer, free from pain, free from suffering soon. I wanted the suffering to be over for her as soon as possible. Bitter sweet, so bitter sweet. I love my aunt and miss her already. I was faced with the death of my aunt Rose yesterday and today I say goodbye to my aunt Alice.
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength , an ever present help in times of trouble.
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